I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
