Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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