two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
