God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he fucked my hip out of place.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
