I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
