Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
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I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
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However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.