Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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