the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
