accomplished twins. life is a go
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
