we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
