I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
