You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
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