So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
