You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Do you have feelings for this penis?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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