I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
