He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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