I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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