I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
