So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
