So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
