Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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