I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
