The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
