I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We left the knife in your bed.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
