margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
