I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
