There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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