Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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