he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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