I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
