3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
