I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
