I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
