Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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