I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
