Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
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If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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