just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
