Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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