I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
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