if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
