About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
