I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
