I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
