Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
