Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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