yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
