When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Soap is not a condiment
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
