Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I have aggressive nipples.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
