Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
