Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
