I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i already hear my dad disowning me
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
