It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
