I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
