who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
