his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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