nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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