i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
where am i from again
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
do nipples grow back?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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