We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
